Time to make a change

My sister sent me a link to an article yesterday about the suffering women around the world go through and programs in place that actually help empower them, as well as, the impact it has to the world in general when women aren't held back. In reading the article, which is quite long, but quite interesting, I got to thinking about my own life. I have always known it, but reading these types of articles, reinforce the fact that I have led an extremely privileged life. I have complaints, as most people do, and think I suffer, but the truth is, it could be SOOOOOOOOOO much worse....I feel guilty for ever thinking I have suffered. My life has been a fairytale compared to some of the women described in the article. It's a joke. They don't have lives. It's ridiculous!!! I was talking to P last night and saying how crazy it is that some people have probably laughed very rarely in their lives because there really is nothing to laugh about. I can't even begin to imagine.

Reading the article just reiterated the fact that this world is desperate for change. Not the kind of change we humans bring about, because clearly we haven't succeeded in the way we should, but rather something only a Divine Being could offer. If you read the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh and see what the Bahá'í Faith offers, it truly is the Divine Elixir. The solutions are there, in His teachings, but it is going to take quite an effort before the world puts it into practice, for real, not just as a temporary fix. We each need to do our part, and its not sufficient to just "be good". I need to drill this idea in my own head and do something to make a change in this world; otherwise, my life is a waste. I think it goes beyond just being the change we want to see in the world, i mean that is great and necessary, but it needs to be systematic and reaching beyond just those in our immediate surroundings. It's time for everyone to wake up and smell the coffee. People are suffering and its NOT OK to just acknowledge the fact, think what a shame, and move on with our lives as normal...We need to stand up and help right an extremely, grievous wrong!!! The wheels in my head are turning. I need to be different!!!

Diary Entry

I've been back just under a week and its taken some adjusting. I find that its harder and harder to leave my parents, maybe because I know our time together is limited, maybe recently its because of the passing of my Uncle, I don't really know what it is, but I feel a hole not having them around. I don't like it. I don't like being so far away. There are definite perks to living in sweden, like the time off, but I am finding it really hard to be so far away from my loved ones. I am not happy about it.

Last night, I dreamt about Uncle John for the first time since he passed. It was nice to see him. He looked good in my dream. It was a strange dream, but cool to have that connection in the world of dreams.

Today was my first day back at the office(worked from home last week) and I find that I enjoy it. I like working, weird as that may seem. I think maybe I feel useful, not sure what it is, regardless, it was nice to be back in the office. I have a feeling its going to be very busy here over the next few months, so that will prob make time fly, which will be good. I need some distractions. I've had too much stress in my life recently, things that I can't control, I am ready for stress I can control(work related) to occupy my mind vs the other stuff. Last night, I couldn't sleep because i couldn't shut my mind off. I wish I knew how to do that, but I don't seem capable.

I bought an itouch, its awesome! I am really happy with my purchase. I also bought some speakers to plug it into and they are great...Think its one of my best purchases yet. Thank goodness for modern technology!!! It never ceases to amaze me!!!

The inevitable

It's been a while again since I have posted anything. A lot has happened since my last post. I flew home to visit my parents about a week and a half ago. Two days after, my uncle, my dad's twin brother, passed away. I flew to Canada with my parents for his funeral and memorial service. My sister flew in from Haifa. Both events, funeral and service, were beautiful. I am glad the whole family was able to be together during such a difficult time. It was almost unimaginable, at first, and even sometimes still, to think that my Uncle is no longer on this earth (physically). Entering his home, and him not being there, for the first time, was quite emotional for me, as were the events held in his honor the rest of the week. It was nice to see how many lives he touched based on the outpouring of love and condolences we have experienced this past week. My heart is sad for those of us left behind, but happy for him. I ache for the pain my father will feel, no doubt, when he feels like picking up the phone to speak to his brother and can't. On the other hand, I rejoice in the fact that my uncle suffered quite minimally, all things considered, and didn't go through a long, arduous decline in health at the end. We all know he is in better place, so again, I don't mourn for him, but for us.

I returned from Canada yesterday and have a few more days to spend with my parents in PR. I am grateful to have that time. Things are still uncertain for me, upon my return to Europe, as far as work is concerned, but somehow, I think things will work out. I will be happy to see my hubby. I have missed him a great deal. I am also looking forward to seeing my little Bebo, the cutie misses me and I miss him.

After this past week, I realized how lucky I have been in my life so far and I am sincerely grateful for all of it. I have a wonderful family, some terrific friends, and the greatest gift of all, I am a member of the Bahá'í Faith. It was so visible to all of us that the reason my Uncle dealt with his cancer with such grace and anticipated his death, rather than feared it, was because of his Faith. One of the last things he uttered while on this earth was how lucky he was to have been a part of a such a wonderful global community(referring to the Bahá'í community) and that is was thanks to a decision his parents made about 100 years ago...I wholeheartedly agree, thank you Mommy and Daddy!

Last few weeks

It's been a few weeks since I posted anything here, so here goes. The past few weeks have been rather uneventful. Weather is finally nice here, but let's see how long it actually lasts, hopefully it will be all summer. I have seen some good movies, particulary, "The Proposal", its awesome! I really loved it. Very feelgood movie. Tonight, I am on my way to see "Transformers 2", looking forward to that.

I am headed home in a few weeks for some vacation and am quite looking forward to it. I think it will be great to get time to take a break and just relax. I have had some stressful things going on recently, and just want to take a breather.

Don't have a whole lot more to update on really. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Crisis of Faith?

I went to college with a young man whose mother was raped and brutally murdered a few years ago. The man who murdered her is on trial now facing the death penalty and her family members had to testify in court. Since this is a legal case, I am sure they have been exposed to the gory details of the crime (based on news reports alone she suffered a great deal, in court all of the details come to light which must be horrible to hear as a loved one). I was reading his blog today and am just amazed at how admirably he has dealt with the situation. He hasn't allowed hatred for the perpetrator of the crime to consume him, nor has he allowed such a horrific tragedy to bring about a crisis of faith for him.

I think it is very difficult to come to terms with the various tragedies we may/ do face in this world. How can we wrap our heads around really, really bad things happening to really, really good people? How is that fair? Why does a loving, just, and merciful God allow such a thing? I guess it comes down to God isn't really "allowing" it to happen, is he? We as human beings have one distinct thing that differentiates us from the animal kingdom, that is free will. With that comes a great responsibility to act in the way God has taught us, through his manifestations, will elevate our souls and bring prosperity to mankind as whole. Unfortunately, there individuals who choose not to do so. In so choosing, sometimes, tragedy befalls those of us who have chosen to try to "live the life" and develop the good in us rather than fall victim to the lower nature we are all possessed with.

I admire this young man, because, even though I know bad things happen and it shouldn't dictate our faith in God and shouldn't change our goal in life to be good, and kind, and loving, even to our enemies, I am not so sure I would handle things as gracefully as he has (outwardly anyway). I pray that I never have to learn how I would handle myself in such a situation. I also pray for fortitude and courage for those who do. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to face the perpetrator of such a horrendous crime or live with the knowledge of so dreadful an act committed against the person you love most in the world.

Life Update

It's been about a month since I last wrote anything here, so I guess its time I update everyone on my life the past month. Things have been going pretty well. Nothing spectacular has happened to me, but life is good nonetheless. P and I returned almost a week ago now from a wonderful week in Florida where we went on vacation, just the two of us, for the first time in a long time. We really had a fabulous time. The weather was delightful, truly perfect, in the mid 80's, sunny everyday, not too hot, but just right. We stayed at a very nice hotel and had an awesome 1 bedroom villa, went to the pool, jacuzzi, amusement parks, shopping, and ate out at some restaurants we don't have here. It was just what I needed. Upon our return, the weather was quite nice here. Spring has definitely arrived. I love seeing green everywhere. Things haven't fully bloomed yet, but they are getting there. My mood has been so much better recently and its probably due to a combination of factors, but truth be told, I honestly believe that 95% of the reason is the change in weather. I always knew I am affected by the weather, but never to such a great extent. It's amazing how that one thing can have such a tremendous impact on one's sense of well being.

I am looking forward to this summer and either having my parents come for a visit or my visiting them. Also, the Baha'i summer school is going to be really awesome this year, even better than last year, so I am excited about that. Work is getting busier which is a good thing. I hope it doesn't become too busy, but we'll see how it goes. Sorry for the long absence, I will try and write more frequently. Hope all of you who read this are doing well too!!! To my dear friend Tali, best of luck with your final exam tomorrow, its almost over!!!! So proud of you!!!

Family Ties

I am sitting here, on my couch, on an early Sunday afternoon watching the show "Family Ties" from the 80's starring Michael J. Fox. As I sit here, I am thinking about family and how great a gift from God Family can be. Can you imagine if we all were just individuals in this world with no actual ties to anyone? I mean maybe we'd have friends - and though a really good friend can be like family- in my personal opinion, there is nothing like family. It is the most basic part of human life, but also the best. I mean, ultimately, isn't it what most of us strive for? Most people long for, or strive for, meeting someone, falling inlove, sharing their life with that person and starting a family..and the cycle continues...

I got married 5 years ago(in June), so step one and two have happened, I fell inlove and got married-chose to share my life with someone. Now I am reaching that next level in life - starting a family of my own. For some it may not be as important as for others. For me, I think it will be everything. You see I live so far away from my loved ones, my parents, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles. etc...This fact is something that is extremely hard on me at times. However, I believe that when I have a child of my own and a little family unit of my own, though i will still miss my loved ones, I will have a different focus. I think it won't hurt as much to be far away - does this make sense? Besides giving me a different focus, it also just feels like the natural next step. Please don't jump to any conclusions - I am not actually trying for a baby yet - but I am thinking about it..I look forward to the day I have a little person I can call my own. Someone to help raise and nurture, who will look at me with big loving eyes and whose whole world I will be, even if only for a small moment in time. That will be a wonderful day indeed!!!